Ask Coop No. 2: Crushes, Cats, and a Reminder

ALI COOPER '09

Helloooo Beaver! Remember me?! I've been checking my "Ask Coop" column every day, but I'm sooo lonely as I've gotten no recent posts. I know that we're all stressed with finals coming up. I know we're all freaking out that our beloved seniors are off on senior project. But seriously. No one has any problems in need of solutions? No questions in need of answers?! We are high school students! Were BEAVER high school students! Plenty of drama to go around, people!

Ask me a question by adding a comment onto this article, or even slip a note into my box at school!

Below are the responses to the two most recent posts. They are a bit strange, so enjoy!

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Dear Coop

I am in love with my teacher. I know its completely inappropriate but I cant help it. He's perfect. I think about him constantly.What should I do?

Sincerely
Classroom Crush

Dear Classroom Crush,

GO FOR EXTRA HELP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

Just kidding. Bottom line: you can’t control who you’re crushin’ on. My only advice is: don’t act on your feelings…it will end horribly. It sucks to have to contain your feelings, especially if they are as strong as you say, but I don’t think you have much of a choice in this case! As long as all evidence (hearts with his and your initials in them, sketchy love notes, etc.) has been hidden and/or destroyed, your only worry should be trying to contain yourself in his class…

Good luck!
Coop


Dear Coops,

I used to have a certain penchant for felines. With years of grooming, petting, nursing, and feeding has come a certain progression of my feelings towards these cats. No longer do I take quick glances to check on my little furry friend. I stare longingly into her eyes, her blue pearl eyes, hoping that she too will stare into my eyes.

But she never does. She would rather invest herself in a game of "untangle the ball of yarn." One day, I hid the ball of yarn, and watched her struggle to find it. When she finally gave up, she focused her attention back on me, and I, conversely, focused my eyes on her. Yes, sadly, I had to resort to a game of "hard to get" to entice her, but in the end, it was all for a good cause.

Coop, I am writing you this letter because I just don't know what to do anymore. How do you express love to a friend for whom you clean the litter box? Please help me!

Sincerely,
Changing


Dear Changing,

I…I just…I think this one goes a little beyond me………

Sorry,
Coop

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Trivia Tuesday No. 2

Answer to last week's trivia question:
The largest tire producer in the world (by number of tires produced yearly) is… the LEGO Group. OK, so they make miniature tires, but still, they make more than any other manufacturer.

More LEGO trivia: On average, there are 62 LEGO bricks for every person on Earth. Eight LEGO bricks can be combined in 8.3 trillion different ways.

An Irish syndicate once gamed the Irish lottery by brute force attack, buying up almost all 2 million combinations of lottery numbers. They ultimately made modest gains of about half a million dollars.

Challenging the Rokokas alphabet mentioned last time, but arguably not a genuine alphabet, the Beghilos alphabet contains only ten letters. You may know it by its other name, Calculator writing.

The International Space Station has a hefty multimedia library, including Star Wars, Lost, The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, The Princess Bride, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Apollo 13, and so on—but, oddly enough, no Star Trek.

Hydra are apparently biologically immortal, and do not undergo aging.

To be answered next week:
The internet can be aptly described via metaphor as what enemy of seaborne vessels around (parts of) the world? And why?

Note: yes, we realize we skipped a week, but we had even more trivia than before in an effort to make it up to you. :)

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Blooper: The Can't-Miss Beaver Event of the Night

TOPH TUCKER '08

I don't know how closely you watch the bcdschool.org calendar, but it's pretty handy. If you had looked last week, though, you'd have spotted something that probably wasn't supposed to be there.

Friday, May 9, 2008
2:00 AM
Test Upcoming Game Title
WH Test Team vs B.C. High School , Berwick, Brooks A

test game description. test game description. test game description. test game description. test game description. test game description.

Three teams at once!? But wait, it gets better.

If you click on WH Test Team, you're taken to a team description page. Apparently we beat Berwick 78 to 3 on April 10th! Oh, and the uniform is "hot pink," the departure location is the cafeteria (or dining hall, as Mr. Manning would say), the dismissal time is 2:00 AM, the departure time is 12:50 AM, and the pick-up time is 4:30 AM. Go figure.
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Microsoft pulls out of Yahoo deal

TOPH TUCKER '08

Last night, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer wrote in a letter to Yahoo! CEO Jerry Yang that Microsoft had decided to abandon its three-month bid for the faltering Internet giant. He wrote, ?I still believe even today that our offer remains the only alternative put forward that provides your stockholders full and fair value for their shares. By failing to reach an agreement with us, you and your stockholders have left significant value on the table. But clearly a deal is not to be.? This comes as a surprise to many who had been expecting either a done deal, or an announcement by Microsoft that it would go hostile.

Early reaction online has been that by rejecting Microsoft?s offer, Yahoo! is putting the nail in its own coffin. One blogger titled his post ?Ballmer to Yang: Dear Jerry, Drop Dead.? Another called the move ?Yahoo?s Hari-Kari.? Yahoo?s stock will likely plummet to near its pre-bid point, and it could face stockholder revolt.

Yahoo! has threatened to outsource search advertising to Google, either to ward off a Microsoft bid or to intentionally cannibalize a key Yahoo! business in the event of a hostile takeover. (Apparently Yang was threatening to burn Moscow.) However, such a deal would face regulatory scrutiny, as an alliance of the #1 and #2 search providers would leave an overwhelming 85% of the market in Google?s hands. In addition, it would essentially throw away the heaps of work that Yahoo! has been doing in that critical arena. Even by signaling it would consider such a deal, Yahoo! is practically admitting defeat.

While most pundits see this outcome as a loss for Yahoo, there is also the belief that Ballmer botched the deal. Still, if Yahoo stock drops to bargain basement levels, Microsoft could return later this year with another deal. Alternatively, it could pick up the scraps of AOL or expand its Facebook alliance.

UPDATE 5/5/08 12:27 AM: Sure enough, Yahoo stock has fallen 17% (and counting), while Google and Microsoft have gained.

Further reading:
Microsoft Press Release
MSNBC Article
MarketWatch Article
Yahoo?s Nightmare Scenario: I?m From Google and I?m Here to Help!
Microsoft To Yahoo: Take a Hike!
Yahoo Responds: ?The distraction of Microsoft?s unsolicited proposal now behind us?
Microsoft has options after dropping Yahoo bid
Yahoo CEO Yang is now on the hot seat
Ballmer?s drive was key element in Yahoo bid
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Links: Vader sings "Chocolate Rain;" The Onion mocks the news

Chocolate Rain by Chad Vader

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If you've never read The Onion, I highly recommend it. Equally entertaining is its CNN-style video site companion--for instance:

Wildly popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film
Anonymous Philanthropist Donates 200 Human Kidneys To Hospital
Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

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U.S. soldier has Iraqi "Most Wanted" deck of playing cards--with near-complete set of signatures, including Saddam Hussein

Five years since "Mission Accomplished." Well thank goodness that's all wrapped up, eh?

Dilbert author asks, could Israel "destroy all of its local enemies by inventing solar technology that makes oil uneconomical"?
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