Never Fear, Dear Coop Responses Are Here!

ALI COOPER '09

Puzzled Over Politics wrote...

Dear Coop,
I am horribly politically unaware and surrounded by insanely opinionated people. All I do is sit back and nod (and then quickly change my expression and shake my head when everyone else gets enraged). I want to become more informed but every time I try to educate myself my eyes glaze over with boredom. What should I do?

Help!
Puzzled over politics

Dear Puzzled Over Politics,

Despite their facade, I am sure that many of your friends feel similarly to you. I know I’ve been in the same boat for quite a while…and then I started taking Mr. Adjout’s Global Media and Politics class…

So there’s my first piece of advice: Take Mr. Adjout’s class! Haaa…no but really…it helped me get some great insight on current events and even develop a few opinions of my own. Now, for all I know, you’re already a senior and your chances to take this class have passed, maybe youre already IN my class. So. If for whatever reason you can’t take Adjout’s class, or you’re maybe in his class and…not paying attention?? Here are a few things that I’ve learned.

Now, as someone whose eyes also tend to glaze over with boredom when trying to educate myself about the world, I like to go to news websites and just browse the headlines. If something stands out, I skim the article and when I get bored I skip to another one. We’re starting out slow. No one says you have to diligently read through entire articles in order to become more politically aware. Clearly, neither of us have quite developed the necessary attention spans to be fully invested in today’s lengthy news articles. The headlines are great: the font’s big, they usually get the main points across, sometimes they’re even a little funny…what’s so wrong with that? Chances are, you’ll find something that strikes your fancy and actually want to read the whole article. You’ll most likely find a favorite website that posts the types of articles you have the desire to read in full.

Another source: blogs. If you Google whatever you’re thinking you want to learn about, some blogging sites or specific blogs will almost always pop up. If they don’t, add “blog” to the end of your search criteria. Bloggers often have clearly stated opinons about whatever topic they’re writing about. See what you find.

Hopefully, your eyes haven’t glazed over after reading this article…good luck!
(P.S. Blinking a lot can sometimes cut through the eye-glaze.)

-Coop

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Mimi's Phrase of The Week

Bon Jour Beaver! It’s Mimi coming straight out of the junior class. OH 10! Anyways, as most of you know, I am of Haitian decent and speak Haitian Creole fluently. My column will give you a chance to learn some of my native language. Every week there will be a new phrase or word. SO HAVE FUN! If there is anything you would like me to post , feel free to ask.


Phrase of the week: Mwen remen’w anpil
Translation: I like you a lot
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I Declare It Time For Random Awesome Things

MICHAEL FIRER '09

This Week in Random: Hyper Music Videos

In other words, generally fast music that makes you feel like standing on a table and spinning in circles with one leg outstretched, kicking over anything in your way.

A few of these aren’t really all that hyper, but you know what? Don’t worry about it. Also, I’ll try to aim for more obscure stuff, but it’s not a rule. Also also, count how many times I say “these guys.”


Start Wearing Purple, by Gogol Bordello
The lead singer, a Ukrainian gypsy, has a fondness for mustaches and a distaste for shirts. A winning combination if I ever saw one. Every song is a bizarre, alcohol-fueled “gypsy punk” extravaganza. Watch American Wedding to see what I mean. Or for that matter any of their stuff.


Night Boat to Cairo, by Madness
These are the guys that wrote Our House, which most people know better as “that coffee jingle.” Madness is, without a doubt, the happiest band I’ve ever seen. Every song is this upbeat, even one named Cardiac Arrest. Clearly the planning for this video never went beyond “everyone dances, jiggly guy sings and jiggles (simultaneously!), everyone dances some more,” though I can’t say I don’t love it.


Gyrru Gyrru Gyrru, by Gruff Rhys
Apparently, Gyrru is Welsh for “driving.” Who knew? Gruff Rhys is the singer of Welsh band Super Furry Animals, though his solo stuff is, without a doubt, better. This is when all two people out there who know and love Super Furry Animals send me death threats. Also check out Y Gwybodusion and, unless you’re afraid it’ll compromise your manliness to even consider it, Candylion.


Dreaming of You, by The Coral
This is the only song I know by these guys, but it never grows old to me.


Girl Anachronism, by The Dresden Dolls
The Dresden Dolls never cease to creep me out, which doesn’t mean I listen to them any less.

Dashboard, by Modest Mouse

Pork and Beans, by Weezer

Here it Goes, by OK Go

Okay, so these three aren’t really all that obscure, but I could listen to each one on a loop for an hour straight before getting sick of them, so I figure that earns them a place here. That’s all I’ll say about them. Those are the links, go click 'em if you want to hear the songs.


Moskau, by Dschinghis Khan
Okay, after those three it's time for something really obscure. A German band whose name means Genghis Khan (hence the costumes, I suppose). This is the only song of theirs I know, but please, watch the video while you listen. It's simply not the same without it. Believe me, I wish I could dance like that.


Go-Go Gadget Gospel, by Gnarls Barkley
This should be pretty self-explanatory, methinks. These are the guys (well, there’s only two of them) that made Crazy.


Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured, by Arctic Monkeys
No video here, just the song, but I’ve had that opening stuck in my head for a good week now. Maybe putting it here will appease the angered music gods.


Dr. Worm, by They Might Be Giants
Every song these guys write is hilariously bizarre. Also check out Ana Ng, one of their saner songs, The Mesopotamians, one of their saner weird songs, and Birdhouse In Your Soul, one of their not-so-saner weird songs.


I Feel Fantastic, by Jonathan Coulton
Internet nerd sensation Jonathan Coulton writes songs about zombies, robots, supervillains, you name it. The song has no music video, but I like this fan-made one, so here you go. Go here and check out Code Monkey and Chiron Beta Prime and pretty much everything else. Oh, and the guy in the video looks so much like my brother that the similarity weirds me out enough to end this article here.



More randomness next week.
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Ask Coop is Back!

Hello, fellow students. It's a new school year, which means we're all simmering with summer stories, curiously crowded with questions, and dying to divulge new drama. Ask Coop is back and better than ever. Post your questions, you little advice-seekers, you!
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Carrie's Top Five

CARRIE WIDMER '10

My name is Carrie Widmer and I'm a member of the junior class. Each week I will put up a section called Top 5. I will rank different subjects accordingly and come up with the Top 5 of each. If you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to e-mail me at widmerc10@bcdschool.org

This Week: Top 5 Places To Work

1. Library cubicles
2. Graphics lab
3. Computer lab
4. Bau's room
5. Alex Cohn terrace


Old Top 5's....

Top 5 Lunches
1. Mexican (tacos, quesadillas, nachos)
2. Chicken patties
3. Hamburgers
4. Brunch (french toast sticks, eggs)
5. Pasta with meatballs

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Ask Coop No. 2: Crushes, Cats, and a Reminder

ALI COOPER '09

Helloooo Beaver! Remember me?! I've been checking my "Ask Coop" column every day, but I'm sooo lonely as I've gotten no recent posts. I know that we're all stressed with finals coming up. I know we're all freaking out that our beloved seniors are off on senior project. But seriously. No one has any problems in need of solutions? No questions in need of answers?! We are high school students! Were BEAVER high school students! Plenty of drama to go around, people!

Ask me a question by adding a comment onto this article, or even slip a note into my box at school!

Below are the responses to the two most recent posts. They are a bit strange, so enjoy!

-------------------------
Dear Coop

I am in love with my teacher. I know its completely inappropriate but I cant help it. He's perfect. I think about him constantly.What should I do?

Sincerely
Classroom Crush

Dear Classroom Crush,

GO FOR EXTRA HELP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

Just kidding. Bottom line: you can’t control who you’re crushin’ on. My only advice is: don’t act on your feelings…it will end horribly. It sucks to have to contain your feelings, especially if they are as strong as you say, but I don’t think you have much of a choice in this case! As long as all evidence (hearts with his and your initials in them, sketchy love notes, etc.) has been hidden and/or destroyed, your only worry should be trying to contain yourself in his class…

Good luck!
Coop


Dear Coops,

I used to have a certain penchant for felines. With years of grooming, petting, nursing, and feeding has come a certain progression of my feelings towards these cats. No longer do I take quick glances to check on my little furry friend. I stare longingly into her eyes, her blue pearl eyes, hoping that she too will stare into my eyes.

But she never does. She would rather invest herself in a game of "untangle the ball of yarn." One day, I hid the ball of yarn, and watched her struggle to find it. When she finally gave up, she focused her attention back on me, and I, conversely, focused my eyes on her. Yes, sadly, I had to resort to a game of "hard to get" to entice her, but in the end, it was all for a good cause.

Coop, I am writing you this letter because I just don't know what to do anymore. How do you express love to a friend for whom you clean the litter box? Please help me!

Sincerely,
Changing


Dear Changing,

I…I just…I think this one goes a little beyond me………

Sorry,
Coop

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Trivia Tuesday No. 2

Answer to last week's trivia question:
The largest tire producer in the world (by number of tires produced yearly) is… the LEGO Group. OK, so they make miniature tires, but still, they make more than any other manufacturer.

More LEGO trivia: On average, there are 62 LEGO bricks for every person on Earth. Eight LEGO bricks can be combined in 8.3 trillion different ways.

An Irish syndicate once gamed the Irish lottery by brute force attack, buying up almost all 2 million combinations of lottery numbers. They ultimately made modest gains of about half a million dollars.

Challenging the Rokokas alphabet mentioned last time, but arguably not a genuine alphabet, the Beghilos alphabet contains only ten letters. You may know it by its other name, Calculator writing.

The International Space Station has a hefty multimedia library, including Star Wars, Lost, The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, The Princess Bride, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Apollo 13, and so on—but, oddly enough, no Star Trek.

Hydra are apparently biologically immortal, and do not undergo aging.

To be answered next week:
The internet can be aptly described via metaphor as what enemy of seaborne vessels around (parts of) the world? And why?

Note: yes, we realize we skipped a week, but we had even more trivia than before in an effort to make it up to you. :)

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Blooper: The Can't-Miss Beaver Event of the Night

TOPH TUCKER '08

I don't know how closely you watch the bcdschool.org calendar, but it's pretty handy. If you had looked last week, though, you'd have spotted something that probably wasn't supposed to be there.

Friday, May 9, 2008
2:00 AM
Test Upcoming Game Title
WH Test Team vs B.C. High School , Berwick, Brooks A

test game description. test game description. test game description. test game description. test game description. test game description.

Three teams at once!? But wait, it gets better.

If you click on WH Test Team, you're taken to a team description page. Apparently we beat Berwick 78 to 3 on April 10th! Oh, and the uniform is "hot pink," the departure location is the cafeteria (or dining hall, as Mr. Manning would say), the dismissal time is 2:00 AM, the departure time is 12:50 AM, and the pick-up time is 4:30 AM. Go figure.
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Microsoft pulls out of Yahoo deal

TOPH TUCKER '08

Last night, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer wrote in a letter to Yahoo! CEO Jerry Yang that Microsoft had decided to abandon its three-month bid for the faltering Internet giant. He wrote, ?I still believe even today that our offer remains the only alternative put forward that provides your stockholders full and fair value for their shares. By failing to reach an agreement with us, you and your stockholders have left significant value on the table. But clearly a deal is not to be.? This comes as a surprise to many who had been expecting either a done deal, or an announcement by Microsoft that it would go hostile.

Early reaction online has been that by rejecting Microsoft?s offer, Yahoo! is putting the nail in its own coffin. One blogger titled his post ?Ballmer to Yang: Dear Jerry, Drop Dead.? Another called the move ?Yahoo?s Hari-Kari.? Yahoo?s stock will likely plummet to near its pre-bid point, and it could face stockholder revolt.

Yahoo! has threatened to outsource search advertising to Google, either to ward off a Microsoft bid or to intentionally cannibalize a key Yahoo! business in the event of a hostile takeover. (Apparently Yang was threatening to burn Moscow.) However, such a deal would face regulatory scrutiny, as an alliance of the #1 and #2 search providers would leave an overwhelming 85% of the market in Google?s hands. In addition, it would essentially throw away the heaps of work that Yahoo! has been doing in that critical arena. Even by signaling it would consider such a deal, Yahoo! is practically admitting defeat.

While most pundits see this outcome as a loss for Yahoo, there is also the belief that Ballmer botched the deal. Still, if Yahoo stock drops to bargain basement levels, Microsoft could return later this year with another deal. Alternatively, it could pick up the scraps of AOL or expand its Facebook alliance.

UPDATE 5/5/08 12:27 AM: Sure enough, Yahoo stock has fallen 17% (and counting), while Google and Microsoft have gained.

Further reading:
Microsoft Press Release
MSNBC Article
MarketWatch Article
Yahoo?s Nightmare Scenario: I?m From Google and I?m Here to Help!
Microsoft To Yahoo: Take a Hike!
Yahoo Responds: ?The distraction of Microsoft?s unsolicited proposal now behind us?
Microsoft has options after dropping Yahoo bid
Yahoo CEO Yang is now on the hot seat
Ballmer?s drive was key element in Yahoo bid
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Links: Vader sings "Chocolate Rain;" The Onion mocks the news

Chocolate Rain by Chad Vader

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If you've never read The Onion, I highly recommend it. Equally entertaining is its CNN-style video site companion--for instance:

Wildly popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film
Anonymous Philanthropist Donates 200 Human Kidneys To Hospital
Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

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U.S. soldier has Iraqi "Most Wanted" deck of playing cards--with near-complete set of signatures, including Saddam Hussein

Five years since "Mission Accomplished." Well thank goodness that's all wrapped up, eh?

Dilbert author asks, could Israel "destroy all of its local enemies by inventing solar technology that makes oil uneconomical"?
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Trivia Tuesday No. 1

TOPH TUCKER ‘08

Adjacent pendulum clocks synchronize with each other. This phenomenon is called “odd sympathy.”

Although these things are hard to judge, Star Wars is probably the #2 best-selling book series of all time. Harry Potter is #3. #1 is a German sci-fi series called Perry Rhodan.

There are about 100 lightning flashes every second on Earth.

In Sweden, tic-tac-toe is known as hobo’s chess.

The Rotokas language uses the smallest alphabet still in use today. It is a mere 12 letters: A E G I K O P R S T U V.

To be answered next week:
Who is the world’s largest tire producer, by number of tires produced per year?
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Links: Intro, YouTube, Mesh, etc.

Welcome to the Beaver Reader link blog. Every Wednesday, we'll offer up some interesting finds from around the web.

YouTube

You've probably seen these, but they're more or less required viewing, so here goes:
Dramatic Chipmunk
Obama Baby #1
Obama Baby #2

Discovery Channel "I Love the World" ad
Elephant Painting
Garbage Day

This one does a nice job of describing a lot of the things this whole newspaper is about.
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Casio Exilim EX-F1: Tomato Violence at 300, 600 and 1200fps
Enterprising youngster gets himself stuck in a claw machine
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And, in actual news, this is pretty interesting if you're interested in such thing: Live Mesh; more here.

Meanwhile, Facebook Chat (which we first told you about back in March, not to rub it in ;)) seems to have completed its rollout. Also check out Facebook Lexicon to track what gets the most talk on Walls.

And see here the regularly-updated Beaver Class of '08 college map. (GMaps version; GeoRSS)
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Clash of the Titans: Potential Yahoo! deal brings industry behemoths head-to-head

TOPH TUCKER ?08

Microsoft. Google. Time Warner. News Corp. Four of the biggest names in business; combined market cap of half a trillion dollars. And they?re all getting involved in the battle over troubled Internet giant Yahoo.

It started on February 1, when Microsoft announced an unsolicited $44.6 billion takeover bid for Yahoo. Since then, Yahoo has looked for every possible way out of the deal, but analysts agreed it was a waiting game. No white knight emerged, and Microsoft is now threatening to turn the bid hostile if Yahoo doesn?t accept quickly. They have refused to raise their bid, instead countering that, if anything, it would only go down.

By Wednesday, though, things seemed to be heating up. Yahoo entered into a limited trial run of a Google ad partnership, and late that night, the news broke that other deals may be looming. Specifically, Time Warner was mulling a deal that would combine AOL and Yahoo, while News Corp. was considering a joint bid with Microsoft. The latter coalition would potentially combine Yahoo, MSN, and MySpace into a single entity.

Whichever way the deal goes, it stands to dramatically shake up the Internet landscape. The fate of search, email, portal and instant messaging monopolies hangs in the balance. Yet any merger would be messy. Aside from the simple stuff?where employees go, which services are discontinued?each of these companies controls a huge amount of backend infrastructure that would have to be consolidated.

Everyone knew this was going to be fun; so far, it hasn?t disappointed. What remains to be seen is the quantitative effect on the marketplace.

Further reading:
MSNBC: Yahoo takeover battle takes dramatic twist
WSJ Article
Reuters Article
Marketwatch Article
Wikipedia Entry
Site Statistics
More coverage
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“You’re a True-oo-oo-oo Friend”

JESSICA PENZIAS '08

Ed. note: for your own good, we have not embedded the videos in question. They may be found after the break.

I have recently discovered a hidden gem on the internet. No, I didn’t find secret stock tips, or discover who shot JFK. Instead, I found something so much better: Miley and Mandy on Youtube. Many of you (if not all of you) are (or should be) familiar with 15-year-old, Pop star, singing sensation Miley Cyrus. Not only does she have a hit show on the Disney Channel, multiple number one CDs, a 3-D movie, an alter-ego named Hannah Montana and an unbelievably popular concert tour, she also has a new series of videos on Youtube with her “BFF” Mandy.

Mandy, a 20-year-old dancer on Miley’s current tour, has become Miley’s new best friend, replacing Leslie who was immortalized in Miley’s hit song “See You Again.” (In the song Miley references her former BFF Leslie in the chorus). Leslie unfortunately moved back to Tennessee and is probably kicking herself at this very moment. While Mandy (who Miley refers to as “Shmandy” or “Shmand”), like all best friends, gives Miley support and advice, Miley, gives Mandy national fame. In fact, Miley even hooked Mandy up with producers and executives, and sure enough, Mandy is now a member of the girl-group “Beach Girls” (who will begin a tour shortly after the “Meet Miley Cyrus” tour ends). Reportedly, Miley also wrote a song on the Beach Girls upcoming album.

In the famed videos, the stars show that they are just like any other 15 or 20 year-old girl. They laugh at their own jokes, make funny faces at each other, lip-sync (granted, to their own number one hits) and make adorable comments. And, indeed, they are adored. The videos average around 1,000,000 views…EACH.

Take a look at the following videos featuring Shmandy and Shmiley.

The Miley & Mandy Show! Epis. Irrelevant
The Miley and Mandy Show! Jokes
The Miley and Mandy Show! QUESTIONS

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Ask Coop No. 1: Prom, Hannah Montana, and Valentines Day

ALI COOPER '09

Welcome to the first installment of our new advice column. Leave your questions in the comments!

Coop,

I think I am in love with my best friend, but he seems to have fallen in love with another girl: Hannah Montana. No, not Billy Cyrus' daughter, the actual television character. I find this strange, but I must win his affection.

How do I beat Hannah Montana when she has the best of both worlds? Is she unstoppable? What to do?

Help is needed,
Disney Dreamer

Dear Disney Dreamer,

Mm, I’ve seen this one before. You probably feel that, if you were a movie, he’d be the right guy. You’d be the best friend that he’d fall in love with, and in the end you’d be laughing and watching the sunset, it would fade to black, show the names, and they’d play that happy song. Maybe sometimes you walk a little faster in the school hallway just to get next to him. Some days, you might even spend a little extra time in the morning just to impress him. I don’t blame you.

Nobody’s perfect. Everybody makes mistakes, and everybody has those days. Remember that everyone has a flaw or a weakness, and maybe your friend’s downfall is his infatuation with America’s favorite Disney star. If you recognize his problem, maybe you can be the one to pull him out of it. Go right ahead and compete with Hannah Montana, you have nothing to lose!

You can be glamorous just like he sees in all the magazines. You can be cool as ice, or anything you want to be. Stay strong, and stay positive. Your friend will soon remember that Hannah Montana is only available each night from 7:00-7:30 PM Eastern. He’ll realize what he’s missing out on and say, “I can’t wait to see her again.”

Learn from Hannah! Flirt, and have some fun. Make your best friend notice and don’t squelch your feelings! If all this doesn’t work, a little imagination has been known to go a long way…grab yourself a Hannah Montana wig, a pair of knee-high boots, and something sequin-ey, and see what your friend thinks then!

Just take this situation and turn it all around. With a new attitude, everything can change, just make it how you want it to be. Life’s what you make it. You’re gonna get what you deserve, because you got nerve.

- Coop

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Dear Coop,

For Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend bought me a bunch of random presents. It was really cute and thoughtful. The next day, I found out that he bought them from Big Lots the day before Valentine’s. Is this grounds for breakup? What should I do? Help me!

From,
What-to-do

Dear What-to-do,

As I read your letter, the first thing that struck me was your original excitement about the Valentine’s Day goodies your boyfriend gave you. You felt that they were cute and thoughtful…clue in on that, baby! The fact is: it doesn’t matter how many zeroes are stuck on the end of the price tag. So the boyf was a little disorganized and didn’t have time to shop for some presents a few days before V-Day…remember that old saying, “it’s the thought that counts”?

Don’t sweat it, it’s not the price that matters, or even where it comes from. And hey, your boyfriend still managed to get you something you really liked…he didn’t screw up as bad as you think!

Good Luck!

-Coop

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Ali,

My best friend just bought a really ugly prom dress. She spent so much money on it and she can't return it but it makes her look ridiculous. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Conflicted friend

Dear Conflicted Friend,

Yikes. This is a tough situation. Good for you for wanting to be honest but in this case, go against your gut reaction…honesty probably isn’t the best policy here. In these circumstances, her feelings are really the only ones that matter. If she feels beautiful in the dress, who are you to ruin her night? Wear some dark sunglasses and enjoy prom.

If she looks…um…unfortunate…, maybe help her pick out a cute pair of shoes or make sure she gets her makeup done really well. You’ll have the freedom of buying your own rockin’ prom dress, and hey, your friend might think your dress is heinous, too!

Happy shopping!

-Coop

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Coopers,

I don't know who to take to prom. How do I decide? Does it really matter THAT much? Do I take a friend, and is that ok?

Sincerely,
Junior Jitters

Dear Junior Jitters,

Ah, prom…the defining moment of your life. The event it all comes down to. The night that will shape the rest of your high school career…

Not.

Prom is supposed to be fun and crazy. To answer your question, no it does NOT matter that much! Taking a friend is 100% okay. In fact, I personally think it’s better to go with a friend (rather than a crush or whatever) because there’s much less pressure on you and your date. You’ll be with your escort for pictures and the limo ride and sit at the dinner table with ‘em, but other than that, everyone hangs out together. Everyone dances together and everyone parties together afterwards.

My advice: Go to prom with someone that you know you’ll have fun with. That’s what the whole night’s about!

See you there!

-Coop

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Dear Coop,

In middle school, I was really good at Baseball. But now I play lacrosse. All my friends are playing baseball, and I don't think I will make many friends playing lacrosse. What can I do? I am freaking out and I really need an answer!!!!!!

From,
Mike C. Jones

Dear Mike Jones, (Ha.)

If you like lacrosse better than baseball, play lacrosse! You’re gonna have at least one thing in common with the rest of the lax team- your love for the sport. (Plus, have you taken a look at who’s on the BCDS lax team? Pretty crazy dudes.) My advice is this: play out both situations. Pretend you’ve decided to play lax this spring. Are you pissed that you’re missing out at baseball practice? Then pretend you’ve decided to play baseball. Are you mad you didn’t try lacrosse instead? Think about why you wanted to play lacrosse originally, what made you stop playing baseball? My guess is: if you ask yourself those questions, the answer will be a little easier to find.

But honestly, try not to freak out, it’s only Beaver sports! And you’re only playing for, what? Less than three months? If you’re thinking you’re going have way more fun with your buddies on the baseball team, play baseball!

Inside Scoop- If you try lax and hate it, I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to switch teams within the first week!

Good luck, I’m sure you’ll have a blast no matter what team you make yourself a part of.

-Coop
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A History of April Fools’ Day Pranks

TOPH TUCKER ‘08

On this day, some less-mature elements of society like to partake in something known as “April Fools’ Day.” We at The Beaver Reader are no fools, however, and scoff at their folly. Journalism, after all, is serious business.

However, given the chaos that has occasionally ensued thanks to rampant irresponsibility on April the 1st, we thought it a valuable service to our readers to review some of the most famous April Fools’ Day pranks of all time.

…never mind, we’re too lazy, but these two web sites ought to do the trick:

1. "April Fools’ Day" on Wikipedia
2. Top 100 April Fools’ Day Hoaxes of All Time

Also of note is the “Real News on April Fools’ Day” section of the Wikipedia article. An earthquake/tsunami in 1946 killed 165 people in Hawaii and Alaska, in part because news of it was dismissed as a hoax. So keep that in mind next time a boy cries wolf.
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BREAKING NEWS: DUMBLEDORE IS STRAIGHT

Early this morning, during a press release, special correspondent Rita Skeeter revealed that deceased Hogwarts Headmaster, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, considered one of the greatest wizards of modern times, is in fact of the heterosexual orientation. Professor Dumbledore is known for his defeat of dark wizard Gellert Grindelwald in 1945, a man who was perceived to be his first love. He also was famous for his discovery of the twelve uses of dragon?s blood and his work on alchemy with Nicholas Flamel.

At a young age, Dumbledore befriended Godric?s Hollow neighbor Grindelwald. They were united by their mutual dreams of finding the Deathly Hallows and conquering the wizarding world for the ?greater good,? together. Following Dumbledore?s tragic death at the hands of Severus Snape, he was widely believed to be of the homosexual orientation. A year ago, Sybill Trelawny, great-great-granddaughter of the celebrated seer Cassandra Trelawney and professor of Divination, revealed that she had a ?vision? of Dumbledore?s true nature. Not long after that, Gilderoy Lockhart, author of Magical Me, published a tell-all novel of his time at Hogwarts, which mentioned his (now proven false) accusations that Dumbledore made sexual advances towards him.

?Its bloody ridiculous that this git could make such a stupid comment about Dumbledore,? complained Auror Ron Weasley, previous student of Dumbledore. ?That nutter has never spoken a true word in his entire pathetic life.?

After Harry Potter?s defeat of dark wizard Voldemort this June, Minerva McGonagall, longtime colleague of Dumbledore, was forced to take veritaserum, the ?truth? potion, in order for the ministry to determine the truth of what happened that night, and what led up to it. In the interview, when asked of her relationship with Dumbledore, she revealed the truth of his sexuality. Apparently, throughout their long time friendship, their relationship grew to be something more than ?just colleagues.? Their escapades included late night rendezvous in the Room of Requirement and secret trips to the astronomy tower to gaze at the stars.

Needless to say, this revelation brings up questions of what the other Hogwarts teachers might be doing at night. It makes us ponder the existence of illegitimate children who might be the result of this clandestine affair and heir to Dumbledore?s fortune of unique treasures and considerable wealth.

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Facebook preps new privacy, chat, and application features

TOPH TUCKER ?08

Early Wednesday morning, Facebook rolled out a new set of comprehensive privacy features. Members can now create ?friend lists? and control how much information the people on each list may access. For instance, a person may create a ?School? list and a ?Family? list in order to display school-related photo albums only to school friends, and family-related photo albums only to family friends. In fact, users can even control what individual friends see, making it possible to create, for instance, albums that everyone except a single person can see.

For years, Facebook has had some of the most comprehensive privacy features of any site on the web. For a service that hosts such a wealth of information about its users, that level of control is necessary for users to remain comfortable. Yet as the privacy page continues to expand, Facebook runs the risk of making settings too daunting, discouraging users from delving into them at all.

Upon clicking ?privacy? in the upper-right corner of the page, users are presented with four options: Profile, Search, News Feed and Mini-Feed, and Applications. Some categories contain multiple tabs, sometimes with close to a dozen subcategories on each tab. And each subcategory may present a whole pop-up full of options about exactly who may see exactly what. For instance, a user could go to the Profile privacy page, click on the Contact Information tab, look at the Current Address subcategory, select Customize from the drop-down menu, choose the ?Some Friends? bullet point, enter certain friends or friend lists, and then enter specific people to exclude and click ?Okay.? Going so deep is certainly not necessary, and the capability is certainly appreciated, but one still wonders at what point (if ever) people will be scared off.

Meanwhile, a Facebook-sponsored page presents information and screenshots of what profile pages of the future will look like. These screenshots depict the Wall being combined with the Mini-Feed, as well as each profile being separated into different tabs: Wall, About, Photos, etc. Facebook stresses that these developments are still in the early stages, and is open to user feedback. (To give your suggestions, email profilespreview@facebook.com.) And the company has recently confirmed reports that they are working on a ?Facebook Chat? application that will allow for instant messaging without leaving the site.

As Facebook continues to grow and bring more and more content into the site, some wonder whether it will return the favor by allowing for increased openness that might break down some of the walls currently surrounding the site. Such interoperability is in part facilitated by the Facebook API?allowing, for instance, desktop widgets to show a slideshow of your friends? photos?but other efforts to use data from Facebook on other sites have been shut down. Considering Facebook's devotion to privacy, that?s understandable. But the question remains: how long can Facebook continue to absorb more and more features before it finds its domination contested by the open-er internet at large?

Sources:
MSNBC: Facebook adds privacy controls
Facebook Preview Page
Facebook Blog: More Privacy Options
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How Do the Beaver Mock-Elections Compare to the Real World Results?

ELIZABETH COBB ?08 & GABBY GUTMAN ?11

Last Tuesday millions of Americans from 22 states went out to vote in the Super Tuesday presidential primary. Additionally, Beaver?s student council held a mock election, giving students, faculty, and staff the opportunity to support their favorite candidates. Polls were open in the morning and afternoon, giving voters the option of choosing a Democrat or Republican ballot. For the Democrats one could choose from, Barrack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Mike Gravel. The Republican candidates were John McCain, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee. Both ballots also had the option of a ?write-in? candidate, where voters could vote for someone not listed on the ballot. Though this option had been exploited in the past (David Ortiz got over 20% of the freshman votes for president in 2004) there were only 10 ballots with write-in candidates. The write-ins consisted of Stephen Colbert, New York mayor Mike Bloomberg, Dennis Kusinich, Beowoulf, former presidential hopeful Bob Dole, middle school teacher Jon Greenberg, Jesus and ?Democracy.?

Though the results of the election were not surprising, the turnout was lower than expected. The middle school had 68% participation. Of the 80 student who voted, an overwhelming 92.5% used Democratic ballots, leaving 6 Republican supporters in the three grades. In the upper school, student involvement ranged from 75% of the 10th grade voting to a mere 53% of seniors going to the polls. One of the most surprising parts of the election was the representation of republican voters in the junior class. Beaver, often assumed to be a liberal and strongly democratic school, had 39 upper schoolers opt for the republican ballot, with 36% of the junior class supporting the GOP. However, by far the most disappointing group of voters was the faculty and staff; of 100, only 34 teachers and administrators showed up to support the candidates at school. The poor showing by seniors and staff is most likely due to the fact that many seniors and faculty members could vote in the real election, and saw that opportunity as more important than a mock election.

In the final tally, Obama won the mock election in a landslide with 74% of the Democrat vote. Clinton received 20% of the Democratic vote, while the generally unknown Mike Gravel was only chosen by 11 people. For the Republicans, John McCain won with 51% of the party?s votes. Ron Paul came in second with only 20% of the GOP?s support.

Though it is clear that Beaver ?has a crush on Obama,? many results across the country on Super Tuesday were not so one-sided. On February 5, 2008 there were 24 primaries held throughout the country. These results will help determine who the republican and democratic nominees would be. For the democrats, Hillary Clinton won 782 delegates, barely beating Barrack Obama, who won 757. The number of delegates needed to win the democratic nomination is 2,025, but the closeness of the delegates at this point shows how important the upcoming primaries will be.

On the republican side, John McCain had a huge lead, with 605 delegates, Mitt Romney had 201 and Mike Hukabee came in third with having 152. (Note: for the republicans to get the nomination they need 1,191 delegates.)

For the state-by-state break down, Obama won 13 out of the 22 states that held democratic primaries, leaving Clinton with 9. Here in Massachusetts, Clinton won with 56% of the democratic votes, and Mitt Romney, who has since dropped out, came out in the lead with 51% of the republican votes. Following was McCain with 41%.

Super Tuesday is the day when almost half of the states have their primaries, and the results have a large impact on the final outcome for the presidential nominees. This year much was decided for the Republicans while very little was decided for the Democrats. At the end of the day, Obama and Clinton were neck in neck, while McCain has enough of a lead that his nomination is almost already guaranteed. As the primaries continue the race is very close on both sides, with many suspecting that party candidates will not be decided until the party conferences this summer. The primaries to come will be very exciting as we get closer to the convention.
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Introducing: Ask Coop!

ALI COOPER '07

Hey readers,

I am eager to inform you that I will be writing a regular advice column from now on. It’s gonna work like this: readers can write me a letter in the form of an online comment (it can be anonymous!) Merely click the comment link bellow this article and write away! Feel free to be a little creative with your questions. I will post replies as frequently as possible. Have fun. I hope to hear from you soon. You all will be hearing from me!

Ali Cooper

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